thanks for comments. ya know, i do feel fortunate and grateful for alot of things in my life. i know and always have (even when totally decimated) that i've got it better than alot of other people
and, believe it or not, i do feel "open" to whatever will pop up in my life and future.
I just am having a period of total "pointlessness" (kind of thing.)
it's not my usual mindset- i am amazingly sleep=-depreived lately. it's not good i know- one can only have control of so much. I'll go take a long walk in a few minutes - endeavor to c lear mind and begin day over since work didn't call.
i don't like to take a sleeping pill EVERY nite- tho lots of friends do. seems like a bad idea-
anyway - it's great that you can feel like this is a positive result kind of thing- and how well you're moving forward and recreating yourself and your life.
i am not so sure where or what that will look like for me. i've got new stuff going on- i still think it may be my "journey" to hang in thre with teh dbing a bit longer - i may be wrong- i may be right.
I hope i end up feeling as you do. as far as treasuring my memories - i surely used to - i'm trying.
no darn answers about anything today. i know my mom dying and clearing out her house (alone) is a dreary thing and weighs me down. that is inescapable. so maybe i feel normally about it all.
it's hard to let go of allllll that - a lifetime of that life, mom, sister(s), h?, etc. everything....
i know- the shore was great . once linda died - (she was my closest sis and allll my memories were shared by her- ) it all lost it's shine a bit- and then, of course, onset of my mom's mind & health problems, etc...
I keep telling myself not to freak out- that any normal person would feel these things - in light of last bunch of years.
oh well- onward and upward - thanks for hopeful words.
i do believe in the end i'll do whatever i have to - and make it all work again - and just begin over totally (when i've got to).
i'd say for the moment (tho disgusted with H) i'm stilll lucky he's payin bills and there (even in his limited and creepy way) . i never thought anyone "got it all" -
