Barrybran - [Insert Original Thread Title Here]

[Barrybran]

Another vent:

Long day today. My wife and I took the kids up to my wife's new town to look at houses in preparation for my wife's move. We achieved what we set out to do but not without a few headaches. The trip up was reasonably smooth and the kids were well behaved. My wife set up an appointment at midday and appeared to have one eye on the clock so she was a bit short with everyone. We made it to town on time and got through the first part of the day in one piece.

Things started to unravel after lunch. Tiredness had set in, boredom had set in with the kids and tension grew between my wife and I as I was becoming frustrated with constantly being ignored, snapped at or having my ideas dismissed. This is an ongoing thing lately that is really bugging me and I'm in two minds whether I bring it up so she knows how I feel or just leaving it until things get better between us, if they get better between us.

Today's issue was about looking for 1-2 bedroom places versus 3-4 bedroom places. Our main goal is to get my wife into a place, settled and comfortable. The search started with 1-2 bedroom places and when my wife mentioned looking for 3-4 bedroom places so we had somewhere to stay when we came up, as well as the kids and I potentially moving up before school starts next year, we broadened our search. I was looking at places today to satisfy all goals; the short term of finding somewhere for my wife that would be comfortable and the big picture of the kids and I following in the new year.

My wife's apparent indecision and lack of communication is driving me nuts. I've sat back and let her drive and jumped in to help only when she has mentioned something. We've gone from looking for 1-2 bedroom places and the rest of us moving up by June, to 3-4 bedroom places in case we move up earlier, to me being "pushy" and back to looking at 1-2 bedroom places. My wife leaves for training on Sunday and instead of being sad that she's leaving, I find myself being relieved and looking forward to looking after the house and kids my way without criticism, interruption or mind-changing.

Long-term, I still see my family together as a family under one roof with an improved relationship between my wife and I. I still don't know which fights are worth fighting and which are worth leaving so I err on the side of leaving them. There was one incident today that got too much for me though; my daughters were being naughty and my wife started snapping at everyone, me included. I told my wife that I understood that she was angry at the girls but that I was becoming frustrated with her snapping at me as a result. She didn't say anything to me about it but didn't snap at me again for the rest of the day. The girls behaviour didn't improve the rest of the way home but at least there appeared to be more of a team effort in dealing with them rather than a wife-versus-everyone-else feel to things.