I had an interesting phone conversation with H tonight. My DBing is changing to be a friend but be honest. Not sure if it's good or bad but it's wherei am. I'm expecting him to finalize the D at some point just based on recent conversations and his behavior. I know that doesn't mean the end but preparing myself for it helps me detach a little.

So our conversation tonight started off about kids stuff and then he wanted to talk about trip with his family after Christmas. I am invited as well and he actuslly wants me to go- I gave him option either way. The discussion went as follows:

H: I don't know about going. I just don't want it to turn into like it did at my sisters wedding. ( when both his sisters and mom gave him he!! about the situation- for the record I did not prompt any of it- I am just really close with all of them).
He said it will be stressful for all of us blah blah blah.

Me: ok well then I can not go if that's easier

H: no I don't have a problem if you go I just can't handle that again.

Me: well you're going to have to deal with them at some point and I thought it would be good for the kids to go. I'm trying to be understanding but I see this from two sides- one the receiving end of your decisions that wants to say too f'n bad you made your situation deal with it, and another side that understands you are hurting and trying to work through a lot.

H: yeah maybe I just need to let you know about it and then if conversations start I can walk away or something. Or maybe I shouldn't be telling you this at all- I don't know.

Me: maybe we should start now with me not taking these trips with you. I mean- I'm not going to be going on family vacations with you to see them for the next ten years or something.

H: well you could be. We decide how this is going to be going forward. We are going to do this different. Maybe we will do Holidays together over the tears and might go in town or out of town.

Me: no it's not going to be like that because I don't plan on being alone forever.

H: you'll never be alone for long you are too wonderful

Me: clearly

H: just because you and I made many mistakes doesn't mean I can't think you're wonderful.

Me: ok well I think you should just go with the kids, spend time with your family and I can go see them separately with or without kids at a different time.

H: we don't have to make a decision right now- can we talk about it Thursday. I had my counseling today and maybe I'm just stressed and all jumbled up.

Me: I understand I get like that too.

End of conversation. ......

So WTF??? So much of him seems to be waking up but he still has this idea of divorced happily ever after.
I am at a place where if that goes through I may or may not want to continue standing but I will definitely do so until that time.

On a good note- I'm getting stronger. My mojo is coming back. I can do this no matter how it turns out.