SS, I am so sorry that you had to endure that. No child should have to. I am an adult child of an abusive alcoholic mother, but, I did not suffer physical abuse. It breaks my heart to read that you did.
So, as I said, we do what we know. Sometimes in different ways.
I believe, with everything I have, that this was a journey I was meant to go on. I hope you do, too.
You do have to eventually learn to forgive yourself in order to heal because holding onto the guilt weighs you down and stops you from moving forward.
You cannot undo the past and the real disservice would be if you didnt learn from it.
You are right, your h is not ready to hear any of it, mainly because it makes it about you and right now he needs it to be about him.
You are so brave, S. It takes real courage to be so vulnerable, to be willing to look within and face the demons.
This journey is a difficult one, but, man, it is so worth it.
