WAW + divorce filed, Becoming-V2 - part 1

[Fartiltre]

I would take her invitation as a positive or at least a non-negative. She obviously still wants to spend time with you or perhaps you are a plan B – but she doesn’t want you completely out of her life! I also believe that you did right in accepting her invite but try making it a rule that you do not cancel other appointments to be with W and then get your schedule filled with GAL!!

Do not in any way interpret invitations, her helping you with something, her calling you or initiating contact in other ways as anything else than a non-negative! It is not an invitation to R-talk, it is not an invitation to tempchecking – it is nothing but a small thing that you can celebrate internally.

Many LBH takes these small things as something very positive and feels an urge to talk about it with the WAW or they try to change the interaction into a deep talk about something R-related. DON’T!
(You have tried this more than once – stop it! She is the only one from here on that should initiate R-talk and likewise)

Keep the convo light and about matters that can’t be related to R or D in any way. If you remember Sandi2s advice from my thread consider yourself the pleasant, nice and kind neighbor that chitchat’s with other residents in the neighborhood. Your W is the very nosey neighbor that you want to have a decent relation with only because you live door to door. Don’t talk about deep issues, personal matters or anything like it.

Keep up your good work with listening and validating!

If you find the convo part hard (I surely did) then read up on the subject but case is that the more you GAL the easier it will get. GAL is the way to relieve stress, to forget about the sit for a while, to have a meaningful life, to make the most of your time and much more, but GAL-activities also makes good subjects to talk about! Remember that GAL is something you do with other people – not alone!

If you already feel that the act-as-if is turning into to real business then you are doing fine – keep the good work going!

You seem to be doing just fine - but journal more often and not only about interactions with W!!
What is going on in your life?
How are those 180s working out for you?
Other GAL activities than Salsa? You mentioned going out – where do you go?
How are the new friendships coming up?
Read you first post again – are you on track?

You don’t need to answer the above Qs – they are just meant as a little inspiration! I will follow you and hopefully a VET will chime in at some point as well