Yea, you cant control whether he does the work. All you can do it do yours.
Ok, so, you listed your stuff. When I went through mine, I tried to remember that looking back on all of it, it is very clear. But when you are in the thick of it, trying to live your life it isnt clear. If it was, you would have done something different.
As I said, I did the best I could with what I knew at the time. Not an excuse, but, understanding that I wasnt intentionally doing the things I did made a difference to me. We sometimes let the feelings of guilt stop us from doing all we need to do.
So, you are doing some good stuff. I think you need to dig in deep here. What was your childhood like? We often do what we know. It becomes our comfort zone.
Were you always the way you say you were in your marriage? If not, when and why did it change?
While you do not want to use your h's actions as an excuse for your behavior, they play a big part in how you acted and reacted.
Ok, so about your daughter. What can you put into place to stop you from reacting in a way that you dont want to? Can you leave the room for a minute? Snap a rubberband on your wrist. Sing a song or say a prayer in your head. Count to 20.
Learn to recognize that you are starting to get heated and redirect.
I think you did great in speaking with your daughter. As I said, guilt often stops us from doing what we need to and you have to push through it.
It was a kind of crappy day. But yea, perspective, right?
