Wife walked away (4 months ago now) thread 3

[BigMac]

Zues126

Filing for divorce myself was an epic dropping of the rope. I had no choice, she forced my hand by threatening to take the kids out of state. (Our old state had favorable alimony laws for her, this one does not).

So, if I dropped the D she would just move back to the old state with my S9 and I would be up a creek in many senses of the word.

It's all a mute point anyways. She's still in a heavy fog, still hasn't seen any of the changes I've made in my life. (I've grown so much over this year).

She still is sooo angry with me. There is this resentment towards me. She still blames me for everything that goes wrong in her life. Even now, when I try to segregate my life from hers as much as possible.

If that changes what will happen? Who knows. I still love her with all my heart. I still have to divorce her to put some legal protections between us. And that right there is the crappiest part of this mess.

Regarding Dating -
They say that you need to wait 1 year for ever 4-5 years of marriage before getting into a relationship. That puts me at 2.5 years of just working on me.

I figure that is pretty healthy, especially since the relationship that matters is the one with S9. Everything else is secondary.

I do go out, I've been making new friends in the new town I live in. Luckily I'm a pretty social guy, and have really worked on my self confidence over the past 6 months. It's fun, and honestly ... I have to beat the girls away. They find out that I'm on the market, AND that I'm not interested in them. It's like catnip.

BTW, one exercise a friend who was divorced 2 years ago had me do was really helpful for me early on. It helps to get your confidence back.

What you do is go into a bar, knowing that no woman in the bar has any chance with you. You walk right up to someone, say hi. Chat it up a bit and then before the conversation is over you find an excuse to walk away. Repeat that roughly 100 times and if you have had any anxiety about approaching people in a social situation it will be long gone.

Regarding DB'ng. The changes are for me. Who knows if she will heal herself. Who knows what the future holds. I could see myself dating her in a year or so if she really decided to fix things. Though, at this point that is not in my control.