Not Confused...Insane in the Membrane

[BRNR]

Updating...Its been a while...

So things are getting better for me. I am going through this divorce process pretty well. I am okay with it and while it is never what I expected it is okay.

Shmoopie is still running around on that hamster wheel we talk about...in fact the blame game has gotten even worse than it was in the beginning.

From my perspective Shmoopie is reaching for something to gain leverage on his side. His latest and greatest is how bad of a mom I am...This coming from the guy who still doesn't come and get his kids during all of his parenting time nor calls them on a regular basis.

I also see that his line of verbal attacks always question what I am doing in my life and with whom...his last email made it very clear that I need to be focused on the kids and not my social life. Funny thing is, I am focused on the kids, I guess just not the way Shmoopie wanted it to be...oh well.

I wanted to say thanks to Job, Portia, GolfMom, AJM, and the many others that helped me along in this journey. I am still growing and still learning, but I am in a good place.

I've learned patience, tolerance, indifference, listening, and have gained so many friends and insight into relationships.

I've also learned that I was very rigid, very frustrated, and very stressed in my married life. It is very freeing to live a life with only my own rules to live by, only my own expectations of myself to live up to.

So my most recent learning experience...that this is also a process for my children too! One of the final ropes I need to let go of.

Most recently, Shmoopie started some drama that I am happy to say that I didn't let him suck me into...the problem was that he created this "show" for the kids and it had my 15 YO son questioning me. The manipulation of our kids is downright awful.

So my son comes to me and starts questioning why I won't "effectively communicate" with thier father. Well one, those words come from Shmoopie often in his emails, and two, it was none of my sons business what, when, why, and how I communicate with thier father. Which is pretty much what I conveyed at the start. So my son pushed, and got answers (with supporting proof) he wasn't expecting. He changed his tune after that and while it didn't equate to an "I'm sorry Mom", his actions displayed it.

Thing is, I have prided myself on keeping my kids out of all this non sense, and yet Shmoopie drags them in it by saying I don't communicate with him and tells them lies and excuses. (Um excuse me, am I Shmoopie's secretary?) My son had a hard time grasping this concept, but I had to be firm and explain to him that after the first year (after BD) of reporting to thier father about everything and getting either no response or a verbal beatdown, I have decided not to include him in the on goings of what's going on with his kids. Besides, I feel my kids are old enough to communicate with thier father on thier own (15 and 11).

So I guess I am just wondering how my kids will cope and survive. Both my boys are at ages where they are going through thier own stuff...just the other day my oldest told me about his fears of getting older and responsibilities of getting a job and driving and bills. He is a smart kid and wants to be proactive and learn some "life skills" now before it is thrust upon him....I love that kid. Eh hem, sorry young man as he likes me to refer to him as. But I guess all in all I am using some DB skills learned to let my oldest forge his own path in his life, but have let him know that I am there for him if he wants me to be.

Always a learning process...