I could have been the OM. W wrote me letters as her first marriage crumbled. We met once (it didn't get physical beyond a kiss and hand-holding), months later while she was separated from 1st husband with the divorce pending. For whatever reason, I didn't pursue. We stayed in touch - friendly stuff only - while I was overseas in the military for the following year.
After it became clear that I wanted a friendship and not a R or M to a divorcee w/ 2 kids (sorry, this was true for me at age 26), she found another candidate. Their marriage lasted 6 weeks before she moved out and simultaneously found out that she was pregnant w/ child #3.
I don't remember who called whom in early 1999, but she said that her divorce was ongoing and that I should go on with my life. She didn't want to be in contact. I learned later that this was because her son was about to be born, and her 2nd D couldn't be final until August 1999 (6 mo "cooling off period"). She reached out to me again, then, after her 2nd D was final. 3 days after, in fact.
Current OM is also from her past - not unlike me. She's known him and his extended family since HS. Seems decent enough on paper; has a life, a job, etc. Divorced. Kids are grown. I've never met him.
So, faith. She will see whatever she sees in him. He will see whatever he sees. And both will make decisions. My XW hasn't been unmarried for more than 1 1/2 years since she was 21. I hope that my thinly veiled threat not to expose my children to OM before anything less than a year sticks; that will allow the 6 mo+ window time to expire. (I recognize that this was a double-edged sword...as it sets a time for her to look forward to, to revealing her little family proudly to OM.) I slipped, but there it is.
I must have faith. Because all I can do is work on ME. I will be the better option. If she can't see that, then she will be the fool. And some other lucky lady will get a crack at me someday.
Whoever she is, XW or new woman, better have her $#!+ together. Because I certainly will.
Me: 43 XW: 43 T15 M14 D21, SS15, S11, D8 BD: 8/6 EA / possible PA discovered 9/29 D final 10/20
