You are all very respected and valued men to me. Please tell me honestly, do you all think I can do something different??
Last edited by bustingout; 10/28/1408:00 PM.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
What if instead of allowing him to just "hang out" with you, with no strings attached, you told him you at least expected to be asked out on a proper date?
Even if you're supposedly "not working on the marriage," and even if he's not willing to "make any commitments" right now, it still seems to me like you're allowing him to have all of the benefits of a date with you (smart, beautiful female companionship, conversation, devotion, a meal? what else?) without so much as even having to ASK YOU OUT.
My wife and I beginning to "date each other" was the turning point of our sitch, really. Just wondering what would happen if you did something like this to crank it up a notch, how he might respond?
so far ..yes. In his current state he is getting me closer to the life I want with my family. A life I want with my partner....? Ideally him..? incant say yes or no on it yet.
I dunno, not so sure about this. Whenever I stop in to check on you, I see almost "two Bustings." One is a very self-confident, attractive, I'm-moving-on type of woman. The other drops what she's doing to accept the companionship and friendship of her walkaway husband and tries not to spook him (while holding firm to your core boundaries).
I think all he has to do is show up and hang out with you, and it's all no-questions-asked, glad-to-have-ya.
Hmmmm.... I like that idea ... I hadn't thought about it before. I have been in the mindset of not pushing or scaring away... Letting him lead. Granted he hasn't led anywhere really ....
He is set to return in another two weeks. I think I might give that a try.
Do you think any of his behaviors are positive though even if not yet followed up with the wording? I thought they were...? Again when looking at the bigger picture. I understand that he is getting the benefit of me right now ( and thanks for the flattering comments!!! :-) ) ... Is that not however also an indication of him being more comfortable being back home and being around me?
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I guess you are not wrong when you put it like that. Hmmm
I do welcome him when he comes back to the country and the time he is here is pleasant and even fun.i haven't felt like I was compromising myself for him...I thought I needed to still be more patient. That with my own life that I have made and the place I am in now, I feel strong enough to do that. But I don't want it to become the status quo nor do I expect it to be. I still see this as a fluid and moving state...one that hopefully moves forward together.
I feel like I am offering him a genuine and no expectations place to heal and figure stuff out with his family. I Certainly do not want to be taken for granted.
I really thought this would take time...do you think he should be moving closer to me much quicker?
Last edited by bustingout; 10/28/1408:20 PM.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
One is a very self-confident, attractive, I'm-moving-on type of woman.
Originally Posted By: Starsky309
The other drops what she's doing to accept the companionship and friendship of her walkaway husband and tries not to spook him (while holding firm to your core boundaries).
What Starsky said is what I meant...(cept I wanted YOU to come up with it) : )
Option "A" is about you already having the answers....
I already have my answers in myself. For myself. I don't need to seek anything outside of that right now
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Hmmmm.... I like that idea ... I hadn't thought about it before. I have been in the mindset of not pushing or scaring away... Letting him lead. Granted he hasn't led anywhere really ....
He is set to return in another two weeks. I think I might give that a try.
Do you think any of his behaviors are positive though even if not yet followed up with the wording? I thought they were...? Again when looking at the bigger picture. I understand that he is getting the benefit of me right now ( and thanks for the flattering comments!!! :-) ) ... Is that not however also an indication of him being more comfortable being back home and being around me?
Oh, I have no DOUBT he's "comfortable." I'm not sure at this slow pace of his that "comfortable" is what you're shooting for though.
Us men are simple, path-of-least-resistance creatures. I've just found that often times we will either rise to the occasion or we will do just enough to get by, depending on what is expected of us. Your husband seems that way to me, and it just seems to me that -- as my dear mother would say -- "If the sample is ample . . . "
