Let's try this again

[woundedfool]

1. Did he really leave exOW or did she leave him? Did he only come back because she left him? Would they still be together if it was up to him and they hadn't broke up? C says this doesn't matter as long as he is home but it matters to me. Am I second choice? Does he just not want to be alone? I remmeber the weekend before he asked me to dinner and was texting asking if we were making a mistake he was making all of these overly dramatic Facebook posts that he never knew what true love was until her and that his heart was broken and she showed him a real relationship. He said he had his head up his a** and that if it was the first day they broke up and she asked him back he would have probably worked things out but once he had a chance to separate himself from her and her family he was able to see what am I doing

I kind of addressed this before, but I will give it another shot:

Previously, I mentioned what the difference. In the spirit of an alcoholic having a moment of clarity, all it takes is one moment to have it, and say to yourself.... what the hell am I doing.

Whatever the trigger, don't look a gift-horse in the mouth. Just accept the gift.

But, if you don't find solace in that, think about it as ANY relationship.... She may have left him.... he may have left her... the truth is probably somewhere in the middle. Could you sleep better (move forward) knowing maybe he put a demand on her, and she didn't want to comply? or vice versa? Again, somewhere in the middle?

C said to treat him as if he was on drugs and believes H is truly remorseful. I am more so just struggling with that he brought someone else into our relationship.

I will further this.... your in the medical community (so you saw it during clinicals): Would you still hold a candle for needing more reasoning if it was a diagnosed medical issue (bi-polar disorder? schizophrenia? depression?)? How about (and this is wild, off the cuff for example only) but what if the ex-boss actually had a deeper hand in this.... telling him he would lose his job if he didn't sleep with 19girl?

3. Will he do it again? I know I will never know this I mean I wish I had the magic 8 ball but let's be realistic here lol. He was a man that I NEVER in a million years thought would cheat. I defended him for the first 2 months against allegations from HIS friends and mine because I never believed it was something he would do. I still struggle with if times get tough will he do it again? Will he turn to someone else instead of me and walk out? He swears up and down no but he also was the person that hated cheaters etc.

By NO means am I advocating you just immerse yourself in his words, and to fully have trust in him again.

But, you have taken very prudent steps to protect yourself from the things without emotion (finances, the cars, etc.). Right now you are still working on healing your heart and mind, and that my dear will take a long time. Keep walking through this and put in the work on your side. Every kindness he does for you will help heal that scar, just keep your heart open to letting him help you heal.

Anyway .. Sorry for the rant. These are just feelings I struggle with but on the surface we have a great time. I haven't brought these things up with H in quite awhile because he has already addressed the issues and I don't want to be a broken record because this is something I have to deal with. I fear he hasn't changed. He has gotten comfortable. He is not making as much of an effort as he was to make me feel secure. Don't get me wrong there's nothing he's actually doing wrong I guess it's just what he's not doing. I went from being chased to now it's just back to normal.

Do you feel he is still putting in work? and following through with his commitments?

If anyone made it through this entire post I appreciate it. Piecing is rough. Still happy to be here most days though!

Made it through! But remember, where you are at.... there is a thousand members here who would literally cut off their right arm to be in your position right now. Count your blessings and keep up the good work.