Originally Posted By: Ss06
I just hold on because I'm pretty sure he's not coming back but the reality is, me holding onto him doesn't really keep him here, right?


Yep. It doesnt keep him there. Not for the right reasons, anyway. Here's the thing, SS. When it first happens, we are in shock and hurt and scared. Our kneejerk reaction is to try to hold on as tight as we can. In our mind, that gives us some control. But in reality, it causes a different kind of reaction from the person we are holding on to. They see it as us not hearing what they want. They see it as more of the same.

So the holding on by us really winds up stopping the forward motion in them. And honestly, you dont want to stop that. You want them to look within. You want to begin working on you.

Because the truth is, the old marriage is gone. That doesnt mean there cant be a new, amazing marriage in the future.

The thing is that the sooner you let go, the sooner you get to the good parts. Yea, you read that right.

This is an incredible opportunity for you to become your best self. It is an opportunity for you to get good and strong and confident. So that if your spouse looks towards you in the future, you can decide what is best for you from a place of strength and not fear.

Trust me that whether you worry has no effect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can.

Originally Posted By: Ss06

Detachment isn't what I'm known for. Is anyone known for detachment?



People misunderstand detachiment and letting go. It doesnt mean you no longer care. It means that you are no longer going to allow his words or actions to affect yours.

Each day you should try to be the person you want to be. Some days you will make it, some you wont, but, that should always be the goal.
Originally Posted By: Ss06


I'm trying to be forgiving of myself...



Here's how I feel about forgiving oneself. Did I do things in my marriage to cause harm to it? Yes, I did. But whatever I did or didnt do wasnt with the INTENT to cause harm to it or my h. I did the best I could with the knowledge and tools I had at the time. Had I known better, I would have done better.

Originally Posted By: Ss06

and accept that I have limits to my perfection.



Yea, you need to let that stuff go. Because in the grand scheme of things, most stuff just isnt that important. People are. Memories are. Feelings are. The rest....just doesnt matter.

SS, let him go. Leave him to figure his stuff out. You do yours.

So, tell me more about you. What are the things you think need changing? What are you doing about changing them?