Yup. Ive been writing a letter in my head for weeks now, outlining the principles that I'd like to officially "declare" with W. As an exercise for me, of course, but also with the intention of giving to her. Not a letter asking her to do anything, not pleading or stating any case for our M. I feel like she doesnt take me seriously. Maybe I dont take myself seriously.
I think the point is - writing a letter is NOT a good idea.
If you must do it, write it out here first and get some input before you send it.
Ok. Well yeah, I have days where I think about the letter and days where I think its a terrible idea. Obviously I'm all over the place from day to day, in my postings here, but im trying to maintain consistency at home.
Ive been focusing on my life and my actions. Its hard to just live a life completely without her, as shes in and out all of the time. I'm struggling with where to apply boundaries.
basically i have no idea what to do aside from waking up every day, doing the work i have to do, providing for the kids and enjoying time with them, hopefully getting a little time to myself, and going to bed. maybe thats en-ough for now.
M: 33 W: 33 M: 9 T: 10 3 S's: 8, 6 and 1.5 BD: 8/3/14 Living together
Ok. Well yeah, I have days where I think about the letter and days where I think its a terrible idea. Obviously I'm all over the place from day to day, in my postings here, but im trying to maintain consistency at home.
Ive been focusing on my life and my actions. Its hard to just live a life completely without her, as shes in and out all of the time. I'm struggling with where to apply boundaries.
basically i have no idea what to do aside from waking up every day, doing the work i have to do, providing for the kids and enjoying time with them, hopefully getting a little time to myself, and going to bed. maybe thats en-ough for now.
Well 1foot....
You are 3 months post bomb date, and still pretty fresh at DBing.
So I would imagine that a LOT of your decisions are emotionally based. And that will not help you when you interact....
Anything that you write, will just come across as pursuing, and pleading for another chance. Not attractive to anyone...
So yeah...
Take some time for your emotions to settle down, and you can act, rather than to REact...
Find out who you are, and be that...just for you
And please read about healthy boundaries, so that you can set the ones that need to be set.
And I'm pretty sure that enforcing them is the most important part of a boundary.
And from what I see, you aren't ready for that just yet....
Boundaries aren't set to "punish" her, they are set to protect yourself....
Ultimately I dont understand what that means. How do I set and enforce boundaries while not acting and focusing on me? Ive been inactive for close to 2 months now.
M: 33 W: 33 M: 9 T: 10 3 S's: 8, 6 and 1.5 BD: 8/3/14 Living together
Ultimately I dont understand what that means. How do I set and enforce boundaries while not acting and focusing on me? Ive been inactive for close to 2 months now.
How ??
First off, what boundaries do you NEED to set ???
Why do you need to set them ??
Are you setting them because you are hurt ??
Or are you setting them to punish her ??
Are you setting them to fix anything about your relationship ??
Are you setting them so that she will "see" how you have changed ???
WHY are you setting them ???
And BTW, I am NOT against healthy boundaries. I'm just against boundaries that are manipulative....
