Was. Does she want to come home ?

[sandi2]

I tend to be tough on WAW's b/c I was one myself and feel I know the "typical" mindset. For the most part, I believe you have to apply tough love with her. Be firm, but not mean/hateful. Detach, but don't act cold/mad. Validate, but don't support her wrong choices. Act in a polite, curious & friendly manner, but don't try to be her BFF.

Usually, the WAW has to learn the hard way. The sooner her fantasy castle collapses, the sooner she will begin to deal with reality. Your job is not to administer punishment, but neither is it to make her WAW dreams come true. She has made the choice to pull herself out of the M. Along with that choice comes certain consequences........or maybe I should phrase it this way........when she removes herself as your W, she loses certain privileges. At least, she should, IMO.

I believe it was you who told her she could come to the house whenever she wanted b/c it would always be her home. But already you feel displeased that she popped in unannounced. That is why you should not open your mouth and make statements like that one. She took herself out of the home you provided for her, remember? She can't have it both ways. Neither do I believe in giving the WAW reassurances as long as they are in their wayward or rebellious state.

The problem for her is that having it both ways is exactly what she wants. She wants the best of both worlds.....what the family life offers and what the single life offers. And whenever it doesn't happen, or it gets hard........she cries, complains about how hard it is for her, etc. But this is what comes with the decision she made!

Some WAW'S return home simply b/c they cannot make it financially alone. But her love does not return. Most men want their W back.....but want their love also.

So you asked how you can tell. I don't think it comes quickly. I also know how cunning a female can be to get what she wants! Be careful and watch out for the cake eating. Some men believe their WAW's are warming up.....when really they are cake eating. Perhaps that is a difference of opinion, IDK. Personally, I think after some time has passed and there is a little shift felt in the R and she appears to be putting forth some effort, you could slack up on just a couple of things and see how it goes. Nothing big, just easy does it. If in a few days if she is back to her WAW ways again......then put those 180's right back where you had them.

Don't confuse 180's with you lifelong self improvements. Those self improvements should stay consistent. The changes you make in yourself should not go back and forth. Make sense?

You have a lot to learn and you are under a lot of stress, so please don't hesitate to ask questions. Sometimes we may not know a pat answer, but we can try to work together to find a solution, the best we can.