I agree with you about connection and work to focus on building emotional connection with my MLC wife.
Our situation is she announced she no longer loves me. She is now in an emotional phone/text affair with an OM she met a month ago.
I discovered this affair a week ago on our phone bill.
I demanded her to stop. She said she would but then has not. She has also hidden her phone records from me.
She expects me to hound her about this everyday.
She expects me to be angry and depressed.
No doubt... part of me TRULY wants to rage and throw her from this house.
Even so, my goal is to save this marriage... so practicing detachment while also focusing on maintaining my swagger/attractiveness while trying to accept her as she is now is what I'm doing.
Accepting her seems to be the first part of recreating the attachment.
It has allowed me to sit and listen to her talk about anything she wants to talk about.
I relax and lean back while softly holding her gaze.
At first, she can't look in my eyes long and wrings her hands or crosses her arms in front of her chest while she talks.
Eventually, she relaxes, leans back, relaxes her face, and smiles.
It helps to repeat in your mind "I love you wife" while you gaze into her eyes.
Asking her questions, repeating what she says as questions, and asking "How do you feel about that?" keeps her talking.
She comes to me now, after all the terrible things she's said so far, to apologize, tell me how guilty and terrible she feels, talk about her day, or talk about current events.
I smile after she talks for a while and look for opportunities to make her laugh.
I also touch her gently on her forearm, shoulder, or knee as we talk (no grabbing).
I then innocently leave my arm, hand, or knee close enough for her to reach.
After a bit she starts to unconsciously touch me back while she talks.
Last night before bed (we still sleep together) I made her laugh. Right then I said, "Here, give me a hug" which she warmly did while calling me silly.
Then I said with a coy smile, "Let's hug before bed every night" which is my small goal for this week.
(I did push too far, though, and later kissed her somewhat sexually making her a little uncomfortable. She didn't leave the bed and kept talking so dodged a bullet there.)
If you're like me, you can't hide your pain and EXTREME EXTREME anger over this.
Let that go on too long, though, and, every time she looks into your eyes, she will see your pain and want to run away from her guilt.
So relax, focus on accepting her and being openly available while detaching so she can come to you, then sit and listen when she come and love her gently with your eyes, face, and the tips of your fingers.
Having fun with it makes you less angry.
I guess that's sensuality? If I'd only known sooner...
