Intro and Thoughts

[gogofo]

You probably already know this, but in case somebody is reading this post who doesn't.....I'll throw it in. Most men seem to make a "connection" with their W through making love with them. However, most women need to feel an emotional connection with their H in order to desire making love. Strange, huh?

This I think is a very basic and common mistake males make as relationships change. I know is my case I did not know that how my W and I were interacting was not building and maintaining the amount of affection in our relationship. I did not know or understand the difference, especially when in the beginning of a relationship we (men) tend to naturally do things that build and keep affection alive.

No excuses now, but now most of us are not in a place to actively build on the affection. Right now it may seem as "too little too late" to your spouse; especially if she is a WAS.

During my first attempted reconciliation I made the mistake about this. My W and I cuddled and talked and had some wine. When it was done we progressed into having sex, but it did not seem natural to her. She told me she felt like a commodity and a prostitute. She felt like I cuddled her and listened so now it was time for my payment, sex.

Not at all how I wanted her to feel and I did not have some of the knowledge I do now about the subject. After this incident I specifically sought out information about the subject because I knew that it was primarily an issue created by me.

Here are two quotes from "His Needs, Her Needs" that helped clarify this concept for me.

"affection is the environment of the marriage; sex is the special event"

"In most cases, a woman needs to feel emotionally bonded with her husband before she has sex with him. Sex for her becomes a physical expression of that emotional bond. She achieves this feeling through the exchange of affection and undivided attention."