Moving towards mediation, need to stop limbo

[shodan]

Thanks for the continued input and feedback.

I have seen and experienced changes in my W. No, she has not admitted to the A and fully apologized. But on numerous occasions she has said that she bears 50% of the fault for where our M is. She acknowledges that she is horrible at communicating and was sharing her feelings with other people, not with me. She also has acknowledged that some of her feelings towards me were likely just in her head. For example, she pushed me away b/c she assumed that I would do or say X. She is now slowing down and realizing that most of her assumptions have been wrong (she has said this to me). She also said that she assumed that she did things that annoyed me. She said the other night that for the past few months she has seen that those things do not annoy me. I told her that they never did. She just assumed that they did and therefore built up a wall against me.

Further, she is being much more transparent with me about day to day. Where she is going, who is will be with, etc. Again, I don't have access to her phone so one could argue that these are all lies to make me believe that her A is over. But I have seen a big change in her demeanor and attitude.

But, the notion that M require work is a novel concept for my W. She still believes in the fairy tale idea that it all should work magically and spouses should read each others minds. Therefore, she is not in a place mentally to admit to the A.

net-net...little by little is she owning up to things that she did or did not do. She is not sitting back saying "you were the bad spouse and need to do all of the work." She admits to where she has been wrong in the past. For example, she always told me to do martial arts, yet actually did not want me to go. So I went b/c I liked it and I thought she really wanted me to go. She nows admits that she should have been truthful and that her motivation before was for me to "like" her and for her to be the "cool" wife who does not nag. She now understands that we need to communicate our feelings and opinions.