"Sandi - Instead of viewing my sitch as unique because we had a non-monogamous relationship for a time, I think it would be more accurate to think of my M as having a history of infidelity on both sides. "
No, Sandi is right. See, you're STILL trying to control things. Now you're trying to control how YOU think people should see your sitch. It's like with your fooling around. When you wanted to do it, it wasn't seen as an A, but now your W wants to do it and you're saying it's adultery.
" DB and DR don't seem to address sitch's where both spouses have As, one in the past, one currently, etc. The books tend to lean on one spouse being faithful, and the other not."
They actually do. You are just looking for an exact answer for your specific problem. There isn't one although I've seen many people like your situation on these boards throughout the years.
Rather than disputing people's advice to you because you don't "agree" with them, how about listening for a change and try to see if there is any grain of truth that can be used.
You're not doing much listening right now.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
