Was. Does she want to come home ?

[sandi2]

I have to jump in here because I had the same impression that rd500 had.

That we are always the ones to end first, leave first, not seem over-eager.
I didn't understand that this should be changed over time.

Which is why things backfired on me quite a bit. When H was starting to warm up, I was basically shutting him down, thinking I was DBing.

I tend to take things very literally, and that was my interpretation.
I have since figured out that this is not the way to do it, but I definitely wasn't clear on that until recently.

I guess I just thought that if I kept making myself scarce, that it would help me detach, and that eventually, if he was ever going to, H would start to pursue me.

I had another poster who was confused about it, also. And, there may be others with the same thoughts as you.

What has been nicknamed Sandi's Rules actually came about as a response to several LBS who were simply lost about what to do after receiving the bomb. There could have been several other things added to that list, but it was a beginning. It gave the LBS newcomer some type of guideline to some 180's. And as Bond explained, they came from Michele's book, I just put them in a list.

You see, when the bomb is dropped, that is pretty much a wake-up call for the LBS. And the 180's the WAS see helps them to wake up enough to realize..."This isn't what I expected". How long the LBS has to continue those particular 180's will vary from stitch to stitch. But hopefully, when the WAS begins to "come around", so to speak, then those 180's can be adjusted. Sometimes, they have to be on a "sliding scale" for quite some time.

But here's the point, if your goal is to reconcile, then at some point you have to allow each other to get warmer in the relationship. You start getting more attached again, spending more time together and talking more. And yes, even develop a friendship again. These are necessary steps that help piece the M back together again.

Those 37 things on that list are just for a temporary span of time until the M is reconciled or D. The things that should never change are the self improvements and the lessons learned during your DBing days.