Fresh separation - trying to play by the book

[Mozza]

By the way, my W spend a year at home while looking for a job, just before she got this over-stimulating job and left me 3-4 weeks later. My friend (above), who worked from home for a while, said that she was leaving the apartment as much as she was leaving me. It probably felt like a prison to her, and indeed she said she felt "oppressed" in the apartment and couldn't stand being there anymore (it was after she moved out). It added a new dimension to the separation, another potential cause. It feels like it was a perfect storm of internal and external factors and I didn't see it coming. As for my wife, she's still totally unaware of it and just convinced that this whole thing is driven by her feelings for me, who are real and safe from any outside influence (sigh). For me, it's just a bad moment we should have crossed together (move, young kids, new job, etc.). As I become increasingly aware of what probably lead to my separation, I have more regrets not bringing it up in the talks leading to it. I wish I could have explained to her better than she did what was happening to her. It worked in the past, especially if I'd know stuff about her that she didn't tell me yet.

A couple of days before she left, I told her about my theory that she was leaving the reality of our family for the dream of her new job. She didn't agree ("Oh, that's what you think..."), but I wanted to plant the idea in her head for the day she would sober up. I hope I didn't tip my hand or give her a reason to be too proud to come back.