Starsky - I understand your message. W accepts that she must conclude the A and she seems to want to find her way out of the fog. She has 20+ yr of idealization, 18 mo of EA and 6 mo of PA to unwind/wrap up in her mind. So what I see right now is her struggling to do that, some of which she needs to talk thru with OM.
Bullchit.
You don't "talk thru" the need to go no-contact with someone, by having even more contact with them to discuss it. You end it (strongly preferred), with a letter, the content of which is approved by your husband and the letter is MAILED by your husband. Or, you end it by, you know, just ENDING it.
The whole "I need to wrap things up" thing is a load o' krap, Anaru, and that's what's putting you dangerously close to "cuckold" territory.
Starsky
Don't say I didn't warn you.
How you respond to her continued violation of your core boundaries will determine much of the rest of your life, Anaru. I would suggest to you that THAT is more important than what happens to your marriage (and I say that as someone who is as pro-marriage as anyone . . . I just think your OWN core boundaries of personal integrity trump all, and any good IC would tell you the same thing).
Your wife is testing you, and watching to see how you will respond, and so are (or will) your children.
