Sorry I thought I updated a few days ago not sure what happened with the post.
So we had a great time and it was nice to be adults. Yesterday was our anniversary so on Sunday night we went to a theme park at night for a halloween event which was fun... Drinks, zombies, staying out til 4am... I am still recovering lol
Things are going well on the surface. I made an appt with C this week but I think I am going to go alone because I am still struggling. I have touched on it a TAD with H but not nearly as much as what I am dealing with because I don't know how to DB the issue much less deal with it in a way that is conducive to giving positive results.
So here are my issues...
1. Did he really leave exOW or did she leave him? Did he only come back because she left him? Would they still be together if it was up to him and they hadn't broke up? C says this doesn't matter as long as he is home but it matters to me. Am I second choice? Does he just not want to be alone? I remmeber the weekend before he asked me to dinner and was texting asking if we were making a mistake he was making all of these overly dramatic Facebook posts that he never knew what true love was until her and that his heart was broken and she showed him a real relationship. He said he had his head up his a** and that if it was the first day they broke up and she asked him back he would have probably worked things out but once he had a chance to separate himself from her and her family he was able to see what am I doing
2. How could he do everything? I know I will receive some 2x4s for this but I feel this is the place I can be 1000% honest about what feelings I have regarding everything. I don't get how someone that supposably loves me could put the boys and I through what he did. I mean he was pretty damn terrible for a long time. All the things he posted, his behavior, his lack of being a dad, etc. C said to treat him as if he was on drugs and believes H is truly remorseful. I am more so just struggling with that he brought someone else into our relationship. How he could share his life with someone else while I was at home with our boys. How could he be okay doing all of that and not think twice about it in 6 months. He still stands by that nothing happened until he left but I said you would have never left if you and her didn't start talking Inappropriately back in January every night til 1 he says I don't know we mostly talked about her truck. I said I don't believe that for a minute. You need to be honest with yourself. I finally started getting a okay yes probably and ya I guess we did talk about more stuff about you and I then we should have and she told me that I deserved better and I deserved to be happy.
3. Will he do it again? I know I will never know this I mean I wish I had the magic 8 ball but let's be realistic here lol. He was a man that I NEVER in a million years thought would cheat. I defended him for the first 2 months against allegations from HIS friends and mine because I never believed it was something he would do. I still struggle with if times get tough will he do it again? Will he turn to someone else instead of me and walk out? He swears up and down no but he also was the person that hated cheaters etc.
Anyway .. Sorry for the rant. These are just feelings I struggle with but on the surface we have a great time. I haven't brought these things up with H in quite awhile because he has already addressed the issues and I don't want to be a broken record because this is something I have to deal with. I fear he hasn't changed. He has gotten comfortable. He is not making as much of an effort as he was to make me feel secure. Don't get me wrong there's nothing he's actually doing wrong I guess it's just what he's not doing. I went from being chased to now it's just back to normal.
If anyone made it through this entire post I appreciate it. Piecing is rough. Still happy to be here most days though!
