still holding on - 4

[u-turn]

Thanks Peter, it is like starting over again.

I've told her that I forgive her for things she has done, do you think I should again (and what about the idea that she may still be involved w/ OM)?

I'm still torn between forgiving her and trusting her(trust will have to come in time).
I don't know if I should indicate that I doubt her(I don't think that will help anything)?
I told her I just want a starting point, should I do it again?

Seems like this would be pressure for her again.

I know that I can forgive her for the things she has done, and I have told her that, and I have asked her to forgive me (I know she does not have to do that). She has seen in my life that I do not hold grudges with anyone. I know I have to file away all of the lies she has told me.

But

We've been through all of this before and I've done all of this before. I have acknowledged and listed and apologized for my roll in our decline. (should I do this again?) I know this is all about her perspective, but after this weekend, it really seems like we've gotten nowhere.

I do know, after being here for a while that she may be trying to justify her actions by bringing up my faults again. It's just a big circle.

(BTW - I know that I have written here that I can forgive and have forgiven. and I know there is a difference)

I actually visualized the spew jacket when she was telling me what a rotten person I am. (kept me calm through the conv.) - thanks for that too!!

I know I have not done everything right, but I am not a rotten person. I really think she believes that too, and I really think the same of her.

hoping for some direction