Annnnd, here's why I feel ok about completely detaching: I just called to say goodnight (which is unusual, but my babysitter said my D wanted to talk to me, and I didn't get a chance to call before H got home), and he can't even speak to me for a second. D "answered" the phone (she's not even 4 and I called his cell phone). Who the he!! needs that.
What an a$$.
Claire, Seriously. Don't read too much into this. I hardly let my kids (5 & 7) touch my android and when they do, they barely know how to operate it. They go to my mom's, she has the same exact phone, they are showing HER how do do things. If I call my Mom, she lets them answer sometimes. It makes them feel special.
It's quite possible it has nothing to do with you at all.
(((Claire))) You're doing great. You've got enough reality to beat you up 100 times over, don't make stuff up to beat yourself even harder. It's counter-productive.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Claire it sounds like you're in a really difficult place right now. I agree with Jefe, don't read too much into all of these things, it'll keep you spinning.
Take care of you.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
So. .. doing some late night thinking instead of getting my rest.
I made a bold move and removed a big wedding-related picture from the wall the other day. H was here last night, my MIL will be here today. H hasn't brought it up and I don't think he will. But on the off chance he does, I wanted to be prepared with a response if he asks about it.
How do I answer if he asks," why did you take that picture down?" the truth is that it was a painful reminder of his betrayal of his vows, and it feels fraudulent to have it displayed so prominently in our house. I should have waited until I had something to replace it with, But I didn't, and now it's done, and life goes on.
He won't ask about it, though I do sense he's pulled back a bit from the tone of his emails. But I am still curious what a response might sound like.
I would just say that you're moving things around and experimenting with the space.
I'm a little surprised you left it up this long. I took everything about us as a couple down as soon as he moved out. Down to the feng shui thing in our bedroom. What could he say? He chose to leave. I'm not going to leave shrines to a dead marriage all over my living space.
I'm sure your MIL will understand. Good for you. I'm sure having it down will help with your healing.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
It's our ketubah-- a religious-legal document, the marriage contract basically. It's the only thing I've left up. I took all our other wedding/ family photos down. I guess It was my way of signaling that I was still adhering to that contract...
And, It's not that I've decided I'm not following that marriage contract any more, but I don't need to have a public symbol to him and anyone in my home. If he wants back into our marriage, he knows where to find me.
I'm a little surprised you left it up this long. I took everything about us as a couple down as soon as he moved out. Down to the feng shui thing in our bedroom. What could he say? He chose to leave. I'm not going to leave shrines to a dead marriage all over my living space.
Claire, I'm with you and Maybell. The day after the 6:30am disaster I took down all pictures of us in our bedroom, although I left things up in other spaces of the house. However, after he leaves they all get stored. I don't need to look at them every day.
I moved a wedding picture from our dresser and actually hung it above our bed when I was redecorating. I asked my sister's opinion of I should take it down before he got home and agreed with her answer. We're still married and this is me taking my stand, letting him know without talking about it. Everybody has a different way of handling things.
If he (or MIL) asks I might just tell them just what you said. "It feels fake to have it displayed."
Last edited by lost18; 10/29/1403:34 PM.
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
