uR and Old Dog and everyone, thank you so much for stopping by.
I was so low I can't imagine being lower. Seriously.
UR and Shining, I want to let him to to do his journey. I do. I just hold on because I'm pretty sure he's not coming back but the reality is, me holding onto him doesn't really keep him here, right? He's a grown man.
While I was at work folding my 90th pair of navy blue chinos I thought (negatively) about how this is a depiction of my fall from grace. My retail demise. About 4 minutes later I got a call from the place I submitted my resume to in Northern California. Nothing exciting, just them calling to say they'd received my docs. Good to know, I guess. Tiny steps.
Anyway, back to letting go...
I'm trying. Detachment isn't what I'm known for. Is anyone known for detachment? Anyway...
I'm trying to focus on self-care. Not self-indulgence, self-care. I'm trying to be forgiving of myself and accept that I have limits to my perfection (lol). Tonight D had mcdonalds for dinner and there isn't a bite of real food in the house except for two carrots. Gah. But you know what? It's ok. It's one night. I'll hit the store tomorrow. I don't have to be super mom through all this, too.
Self-acceptance. One step at a time.
Oh and I refrained from scoffing loudly when H texted me that he REALLY missed our daughter tonight. Of course I wanted to say, "you did this to yourself, idiot" but I obviously did not and never would (I usually scoff instead) and this time I didn't even scoff.
Now I need to really start evaluating whether a move to northern California would be 100% for D and I if I got this job or if it would e a secret attempt at sticking H's nose in his own chit. I really need to look at my motives here because it's too huge and too important for me and D not to.
Plus, he said he'd be fine if I moved up north with D. Seemed thrilled by the notion. Do I need to get that in writing? I don't think he'd accuse me of kidnapping but I also never thought he'd leave his family and make me the scape goat for all the worlds problems. We have nothing legal or official filed. What do you think?
