It doesn't feel like a fairytale anymore...

[fthnluv]

So, to follow up... I DID ask and H says No, she is not pregnant. Eric, you are right, I have no idea if he is telling me the truth or not. Not sure what it says about me... maybe that I'm scared that he if he gets OW pregnant that our kids will feel as if he has started a new, better (from their perception based on time spent) life there? My pastor pointed out today that, in all likelihood, with her age, she likely does want to have kids so this could very well be an issue I have to deal with in the next few years anyway.

Had a nice time together at the pumpkin patch. I was hurt when he revealed his T-shirt that showed that he had visited Washington DC (where we had always planned to go) and he told me that they went there together. I had to walk away for a minute and apologized to him for doing that but explained that it hurt that she is replacing me on all our old hopes and dreams. The rest of the day went fine and we even went out to dinner as a family together.

So, here's where I'm likely going to get flames... I know, I know, I'm ready for them.

Sunday afternoon he brought the kids to the house as he had agreed to come with me to get their pictures taken. I made the HUGE mistake of asking him about next weekends plans, which he had lied about on Friday and told him that I knew he was lying and that he needed to stop lying to me if we were ever going to be able to do the D and raising our kids amicably. I know, I shouldn't have done this, the reason I did was my real fear that he would introduce my kids to her behind my back (as they will be with HIS parent next weekend). He said he would never do that but he's lied so much I can't trust him.

I told him that since I cannot trust him on anything I certainly can't trust him on his financial offer. He starts telling me that unless I accept it, with no negotiation and no documentation of his finances, he will withdraw it and just let the courts decide (which he says will likely screw me some, but I don't know for sure without knowing the truth about his bank accounts). He started being so nasty that S8 jumped in and told him to stop making Mommy cry (I know, more flames for this happening in front of the kids. I'm already beating myself up about that.) Feeling like he was holding our only security over my head for an unreasonable request I was bawling. I told him that the only retaliation I had is our kids and that I would NEVER use them against him.

He kept threatening to leave and I reminded him that we were supposed to discuss a visitation schedule and taking the kids to his Mom's an hour away on school nights (which I don't want to make them get up so early, they already get up at 6:15) and he just began being unreasonable and acting like a defiant 5 year old. His eyes were so cold and uncaring.

He ended up leaving in a hurry. He took S8's booster seat in his hurry so I asked him to bring it back. He did and I apologized for my part in the fight and he said he forgave me. He feels like I am still trying to control him, I don't see it that way, I think I'm just trying to be smart, financially, and also do what's best for our kids.