That sometimes reading all the awful stories here on this board makes the Halloween Horror-fest pale in comparison.
This forum can be its own horror show. Truly.
The way people are behaving towards those they are supposed to love and care for. Sometimes it's almost too much, reading what you all are going through. It breaks my heart to read what others are enduring here. And how they often get no support from friends/family/counselors other than the advice to "move on" and "start over."
Were that it was so simple---as simple as our WAS/MLC want to believe it is. -----------------------------------------------------------------
"OW is pregnant, OP is a bi-polar drug addict, con-man, barely legal teen gold-digger, abusive bastard, crazy HWW," ... Formerly caring spouse is destroying the family, hurting the kids, causing mayhem all over town. Embarrassing themselves and their loved ones. Burning bridges with nothing but a Bic Lighter, busy running from one to the next. And hardly a glance back at the people who used to be important to them. ----------------------------------------------------------------
LBS are here trying SO HARD to make some sense of things when there is often no sense to be found. They are lost, trying to figure out how to salvage something, protect their children, their investments, how to handle the emotional fallout, how to act in public. What to say or not say, what boundaries to set and how to enforce them.
Worrying about every little thing said and done, or left unsaid and undone.
"Was THAT the final thing that put the nail in my marriage coffin? Was it really my fault after all, because I said the wrong thing?"
I know everyone says the WAS/MLC are suffering too, and I don't doubt that they are.
It's just that their suffering is largely due to their own actions, whereas the majority of the LBS just have to deal with whatever is flung their way. (No, we all agree we're not perfect. But not being perfect doesn't mean we deserve to be treated so callously and cast aside so coldly. Or worse yet, with venom.)
And the LBS must also deal with it with dignity, grace, compassion, and a clear head. They have to use reason when their spouse can or will not. They have to figure out how to co-parent, manage the house, get the kids ready for school. Explain things as needed. Microwave meals for one. Again.
Go out and GAL when they feel like curling up in a ball and dissolving in tears. Try and put on a happy face around said spouse so they don't get the idea that we're actually in a terrible place. Wouldn't want that. They might feel guilty and not want to be around us. Not that they really want to be around us anyway.
Facebook faux pas, broken hearts, shattered egos, friends and family members ostracized, jobs lost, mental breakdowns unfolding, and countless dreams destroyed.
It's like the Lifetime Movie Network set permanently on "TRAGIC CIRCUMSTANCES." Yet another tear-jerker.... it's endless.
Sometimes, honestly, that's why I take breaks. I have so much of my own pain, and the compassion I feel for all of you means it hurts me to read your stories. It's often just too much.
I admire the vets who continue to plug away on here giving support and advice. I can't believe they're not suffering from major burnout. I suppose the desire to give back and help others outweighs the emotional drain.
YET---- These boards are also a safe place where we can find the support and understanding which is so hard to come by in the real world.
Even my two therapists were not as helpful as you all have been. I got the "Why do you want to cobble this together?" and "He sounds like he's made up his mind about you, time to accept it." speeches from both. Which is why I haven't gone recently. And why I've stopped sharing with friends. I get the same from them.
Because no one knows what it's like or what they would do until they've been in your shoes. And while I wouldn't wish it on anyone, it sure is a great teacher. I said I'd never stay if he cheated... and look at me now.
We are all learning and getting better from this experience and from each other. This board has been a literal lifesaver. -----------------------------------------------------------------
As much as I'm trying to follow DBing to the letter, and keeping my PMA and GAL and all that going, I have very dark times too. This is not the only challenge in my life. My plate was full before all this started.
I try to keep my chin up, try to focus on the positive.
Because: Divorce Busting Is Not For Sissies. -----------------------------------------------------------------
And so, to all the NON-SISSIES here who are fighting the good fight, let me say how grateful I am to all of you for sharing your personal struggles, good and bad, and supporting the others who come here in need of some understanding.
Because every now and then, we celebrate a small victory, whether it is a marriage starting to move towards R, a new baby or job, a new (HOT!) date, or it's a DBer moving forward with their lives and doing a damn fine job of it.
It's watching people grow stronger, get better, and find hope in places where they least expect it that makes coming here and reading a bittersweet experience.
It's quite something, really, this little band of strangers.
Love you guys. <3
----(G)GGG
PS: My use of the word "sissies" was in no way a slight against gay/slight/effeminate/athletically-challenged people. "Wimps" could be used as a substitute. But "sissies" just sounded better. Or "cowards". Because there are no cowards here.
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
