Keeping it real

[Zues126]

Just left my attorneys office. Drew up a legal separation that I will serve Thursday.

It's about me standing up for my needs and setting boundaries. Attorney said there are 3 parts of a split: children, money, and assets. For the past 4.5 months I've been a doormat on all 3. 100% of my income still goin to joint account and her not working yet, no place of my own for children or possessions, and as a result limited time with the kids. It's clear that this is my fault. I can't expect her to say 'this isn't fair to you, sorry I've taken advantage, let me get my crap together and help make this right'. Not going to happen. So I have to set a fair boundary and stick to it.

We have been communicating via email for anything more serious than the weather, so I am preparing an email to send today to let her know that I have he sep. drawn up. Both my DB coach and attorney gave me verbiage on how to make it sound collaberative vs me bulldozing her. I will do my best.

Bottom line, I know it needs to be done but it is both scary and sad. Scary because I've been a habitual conflict avoider and this is serious conflict. No clue how she'll react. She's been amicable up until now but as my IC said, she has also gotten everything she could want, when I take what I need we'll learn the truth about how amicable things will be. And sad, because it is a significant milestone in our dissolution. And I have to be the one that does it to protect myself.

My attorney said this will probably snap her into reality and force some action one way or another, either she'll have second thoughts or we'll get going on the D pretty quickly. Not what I want, but I realize sacrificing my standard of living and bein paralyzed in fear is not going to bring her back. Becoming the best man I can be on my own is the only option.

I will tell the board since I can't tell her. I loved her, and wanted to be by her side until one of us had to move on from this life. She was first in all my thoughts and I gave her my heart. I tried everyday to be a great guy because I felt she deserved a great guy in her life, it was my number one motivator. I give her my blessing to join the ranks of women who feel they deserve better. Good luck to her.