How to start rebuilding? - 2

[Hoju]

Thanks for the post Elltee,

I'm not sure what exactly you mean by progress or moving forward as a human? I suppose the answers would be no.

As for progress, if you mean life progress she was always the one pushing to move forward with life, get an apartment, get married, get a house, have a baby. I was always the one trying to slow things down, we wanted the same things in life I just wanted more time at each stop. Her life progress has completely stopped, she does have an OM but they will be years from a home/marriage/kids IF they even make it that far.

As for moving forward as a human being, I don't believe so. W has been in an unstable dead end job for quite some time, I've always encouraged her to look for work else where but she never did. After we first split she said she started looking for a new job, when I asked her about it a couple months later she said she had given up looking. Also, when we first split she said she wasn't sure what she wanted to do and that maybe she would go back to school. While we were together she had plans to take some classes in office administration while she was off on maternity leave. I assume this dream of going back to change career paths is gone as she wont have the money.

I always thought she wanted to be a mother and have a nice quiet family lifestyle. W never had anything to define herself, she was/is always defined by others. Which is why when she wrote off her best friend (family oriented) as a toxic relationship and shifted her new focus onto a new besty who was single she completely changed. Started dressing differently, listening to different music, even doing her hair like her new best friend. In many pictures they look like sisters. Now she isn't sure if she is ready for kids and a family, something she has spent everyday for the past 10 years dreaming about.

When we were together I stopped seeking personal progress, I was comfortable with who I was and my life the way it was. We were looking forward to adding a new member to the family, that was my progress, that was why I got up everyday. I love who I am now without her, I've taken on several new projects and am bettering myself in every way. The issue with leaving her out of my goal setting progress is my end goal in life is to have a family and kids, which means I either need to write her off completely and explore other options or hold onto hope that she may return.