Update: I'll spare the long rambling of everything that's happening.
So, mixed signals, hugs, etc. Friday she tells me she's leaving for the weekend again. I say I've rethought things and I won't be leaving the house at all. She's free to as she wants, and is welcome at the house and to be with me and children. She was very upset about this and began yelling, and threw things. We briefly discussed support in the divorce, and I informed her she was wrong about the calculations.
I have children all weekend. We had a great time.
Sunday afternoon she calls. We spent a couple of hours on the phone. She is bringing up that me not being cooperative with the divorce, agreeing to fair splitting of everything, custody, etc. is "more of the same" and that if I really feel the way I claim to about her, love her, want to keep our family together and rebuild our marriage, then I wouldn't be 'treating her this way', and would be cooperative and fair in discussing our divorce.
She says she can't spend time with the children on the weekends because I am around. She wants alone time at the home and with the children and says I am forcing her to be away because she doesn't want to spend time with me. I personally call BS on all of this. If she wanted to spend time with the children alone on a weekend, I have no issue with that. She hasn't asked.
So...I have a consultation with a lawyer this afternoon, but I did send her a proposed 'nesting plan' this morning. Basically we switch off at the house each week, Monday - Sunday. She has our youngest during the days, so my week on she will arrive at the house by 7:20 am for him and I take the oldest to school and go to work. She picks up from school and has children until I'm home from work, then I take over and she leaves.
During her week on I arrive at the house by 7:20 am and take oldest to school, and she has the kids for the week.
I stated special events and holidays we can both be with kids or have access and make arrangements as needed. No non-family overnight guests at the family home.
The thing is, while this is being 'fair' to her, and giving her what she wants, and playing nice, and possibly showing that I am changing, it's not what I think is best for the kids.
I also feel I'm being manipulated. If I stand my ground and am assertive about what I think is best for our children and providing a stable environment, she argues that I am showing her who I really am and pushing her away. That I am not someone who loves her or is safe, and I am not someone she wants to reconcile with.
What's the DB approach here? I'm trying to be PMA and friendly and working on me, but I don't know how much to give and cooperate, and when to stand firm, whether it upsets her or not.
