still holding on - 4

[u-turn]

I received a text from W, while I was out at a meeting this weekend. It was a forwarded message from S-20: "S-17 & D-14 are really worried about dad. They say he isn't taking care of himself and he's been losing weight, not eating...I'm worried about him too. Try to talk to him. He listens to you."

In my mind I am doing better and feeling better. The kids must not think so. This is a major problem for me now. She forwarded it to me and did not discuss it. I wanted to address it with her, but when I mentioned it, the conversations was dissolving very quickly, so I stopped and changed the subject.

I did not mention it or address it in any way with the kids yet. They were hoping for her to help and she didn't do what they wanted. I don't know if I want to tell them that she just sent it to me. I think I will just tell them that I am ok and don't worry about me. I don't want them to think that they did anything wrong.

Then Sunday morning it hit the fan and I am not very hopeful any more. She wanted to talk and rehash.

She was upset, crying, said she's ruined me and our family but also that this is the way it is, there is nothing she can do about it. She cannot change jobs, she needs this job to take care of the kids. Maybe we should S. - then spewing how bad I was and bringing up the mistakes that I have made. (I acknowledged these again and said that I wish I had done thinks differently)

so basically (what I hear)

Get over it.
I introduced a third person into our marriage and I am sorry. There's nothing I can do about it. He is going to be a factor in our lives. What's the big deal? Stop taking it so hard. You said you could get over it and you haven't. There's nothing else I can do.

You were a bad husband. How does it feel to want something? Don't let the kids or anyone else see you hurt.

I don't know where to go from here - I was pretty upset by this yesterday and and it really got ot me last night. I never showed her this though. I'm letting it sit right now.