Really too late....

[lost18]

So it has been an interesting few weeks.

H came home because he suffered another back injury on the job. He was planning on resigning, going to Europe(brother lives there) for a couple of months and then coming home. In the meantime, shipping most of his things home. Instead he ended up home 3 weeks ago. 3 weeks into him being here and I'm feeling positive, but trying not to be unrealistic.

When he hurt his back he called me and let me know right away, was obviously not happy with the situation and told me his employer would probably be sending him to Dubai for an MRI. Then after a few minutes said they would probably end up sending him back to he States because it couldn't be fixed in Dubai. I validated his feelings, asked if there was anything I could do.

Almost a week later I hadn't heard from him so I texted him to see how he was doing and what was going on. It was then that he told me that he would be home in a few days. He got home earlier than expected and the girls and I were eating dinner, unfortunately I wasn't prepared so I was a mess...lol!

He ended up telling me later that HE was the one who made the decision to come home, his company was going to send him to Dubai.

The next morning after the girls went to school he asked if I had been on his laptop (which I hadn't) and he told me how he was dreading coming back because he knew I was going to be snooping thru his stuff like this summer. I used that opportunity to set a boundary of my own and told him that I would appreciate it if he didn't communicate with other women while the girls and I were home. He acted like that was crazy that he would even do that, but I decided I was not going to be a pushover. I think for the most part he has been respectful in that regard.

These are some of the things I've been doing, and tho I'm far from perfect I think it's been positive.

-listen and try to validate when he shares with me (which has been alot)
-keep the house clean
-limit time on computer
-wear a little make up and perfume (even when I'm in raggedy jeans and a t-shirt)
-try not to react negatively to his jabs (there have been a few) I've been NOT reacting, I need to work on positive reactions
-continue to work on the house (painting, new decor)
-continue to apply for jobs, and sub when possible
-meet my friend to run 2-3 days a week
-play softball and go out with team afterwards
-cook some food he enjoys (nachos for dinner last night!)
-continue to see my counselor
-don't ask questions about where he was or who was on the phone
-give him space
-I don't tell him where I'm going
-don't text or call him (unless necessary ie. kids)
-don't bring up relationship, telling the kids, him going to Germany, getting his own place
-smile and laugh as much as possible


Both of the girls were gone this weekend so we were alone. It went pretty well, I came home friday from work and he had bought a jeep...I love it!! Perfect timing as far as weather too! Friday I play softball, so I went to my game and out after and he was sleeping when I got home. Saturday we had beautiful weather, I took him to car dealer to get his truck and drove the jeep back...roof off, music blasting, gulf view...it was therapy! When I got home I went outside and started doing yard work, I didn't ask him to help for many reasons but with his back he shouldn't be doing stuff like that anyway. After I had been outside for 30-45 minutes he came out and started helping me, we did yard work for about 2-3 hours. Later I asked him if he wanted to go out and grab some dinner, he said he was thinking about that too! We went out, had a nice time, came home and I fell asleep on the couch before he went to bed. He is sleeping in the extra bedroom but did say goodnight before he went to bed...that is rare!

I'm trying not to read too much into anything, which is very hard, but we have been getting along well and spending some time together. There is no physical contact, he avoids it for the most part and he still keeps his phone very guarded. I'm trying not to have expectations (very hard) and also trying not to focus on him, trying not to mind-read or put any logic on anything he's doing. Also, he is in pain a lot of the time so I have to keep in mind that his mood is not all about me! All very difficult! Believe none of what they say and only half of what the do...but actions do speak louder than words.

I still need to do more to GAL but I hope I am planting some seeds of doubt, that's all I can hope for right now. He's still home, hasn't filed, hasn't even mentioned telling the kids. I am trying to "keep the road home paved and smooth!"

I could probably write a short story but will stop there for now. Thanks for reading and any thoughts are welcome!