It looks like you are making some progress -- that's great.
Allow me to point out a few things:
1. I think Starsky is really helpful. He's succeeded with a more confrontational approach. He is also being VERY gracious to help you with your more "standing" approach which will take much longer.
2. You still need to deal with your wife's denial of the affair. It's going to be hard to repair a marriage when she can't admit she had an affair or is willing to apologize. The fact is she KNOWS you know, but is wondering how much gas lighting you'll accept.
3. You are trying to "nice" her into the marriage. Keep in mind, this strategy may work in the short-run. (18 mos -3 yrs). I've seen several guys succeed with this, but in the end, it was hard to maintain the "Superman/Trained Seal" persona forever. We all slip back into our usual selves eventually. No one thinks they will, but they do. And do you really want to be married to someone who is living with a "what have you done for me lately" mentality? the balance of power will always be in her advantage.
4. The reason you are working furiously to GAL, etc. is to save your marriage. When it's saved, you'll likely drop some of that stuff.
5. The reason you are doing this is you are afraid of losing your wife/family. She knows this. All she had to so was have an affair and you become "superman" husband.
6. What is she afraid of losing? Up to know, nothing. She has 2 guys really into her. She gets to cake-eat and decide.
7. Talk to Starsky on how to toughen up your approach. He saved his marriage and it lasted.
