Moving towards mediation, need to stop limbo

[shodan]

Blindsid...sorry for my delayed response, was busy most of the weekend

re: impact of the mediation discussion on my situation...I would say it helped b/c it brought to my W's attention what was at risk here. With that said, it was not a bluff. I was serious and still am. I have told my W that I want to work on my M, but do not want to stay in the M as we have it today. We both need to make serious changes.

re: your response to ML...clearly, that condom comment would set her off. That does not mean you should not say it but be prepared for the spew of hatred. You may go a little softer with a "given where our R is right now, I don't think that ML is a wise choice."

This weekend my W and I talked about everything. She still says that she is confused. She likes what she has seen from me but also says that she cannot deal with my controlling ways (which only come out when we get into discussions about her texting and all of the secrets). She did say that everything that I am saying is what she wants to here but (1) she is not sure this is the real me and (2) she is angry that it took her pushing for a D for me to want to treat her the way she wanted to be treated.

She also recognized that she deserves a lot of the blame for where we are b/c she NEVER told me how she felt. But, she also believes that she should not have to do that and that I should want to take her out more and make her feel appreciated and loved. I of course thought I was doing that. Frankly I was doing what she told me she wanted me to do. It turns out that she wanted more but I never knew.

So, not a positive nor negative discussion. There is some potential light at the end of the tunnel and frankly it is up to my W if she wants to work on the M. If she sees it as hopeless, I cannot change her mind. Right now, she seems to be leaning toward hopeless. She says she just does not have the energy to work on our M and that she had been doing that for years.