I don't mean to sound passive, if anything I am asking advice on what I should do. A year in jail is scary and I did not want to take that chance. My L is only for the protective order, and 1 of 2 things will happen at court today: it will be dismissed or extended. If it is dismissed I will let her know that I want to see our children and arrange a time. If it is extended then first thing tomorrow I am going to file for visitation. I want to see them, and I want them to see me. I want to shower them with love and all the love I did not show before.
I want to reassure them that I have always loved them, be open with them and play with them. I want them to be happy and know that this is not their fault and they will be loved regardless of what happens, and that I will never leave them.
Also, before I went to jail and this order was in place, I am Sure I would have made the mistake of using them as a tool. I mean that by asking about mommy's day and what she does and pry information out of them.
I feel that this distance from the W and the children, might have been one of the best things that could have happened. But now enough is enough, I am stronger and I have a clear head. My heart needs work, but my knowledge and understanding of what it is I need to do has come a very long way. I will fight for them, tooth and nail if I have to. I do not believe she will try to keep them from me, but I will fight if I have to.
