Recent Separation...trying to cope

[dil]

This past friday, I did a GAL activity and went to a bonfire to meet some new friends. I had to stop by my house where my W is staying to get the cooler and fill it up with ice and booze. I texted her earlier in the day about stopping by and she texted back saying she was going to happy hour and may not be home. When I got to the house, she was already home. Eventually she came to the kitchen to say hi. I was surprised to see her back so early (around 6:30pm) on a friday night after her HH. Typically, when she would go to HH, she would stay til about 8 or 9pm. I was in my 'as if' mood while showing PMA. While cleaning the cooler at the sink, she asked what I was doing. I told her I was going to meet some friends for a bonfire. Also told her a little bit of my mixed drink I was planning to make, which she seemed to be interested in. It was a seemingly short but pleasant conversation, so I left it at that, said have a good rest of the night and left.

Saturday, I was reading tons of stories on this forum to give me a little hope before eventually getting up and going to see a movie and get my mind off of things. After the movie, I texted my W that I needed to stop by and pick up carseats. I was planning on taking my nieces out for a girls day at the Mall. When I got to the house she asked me what I was going to do with the girls tomorrow and I told her I was doing girls day with them and taking them shopping.

Next thing, she told me she wanted to talk to me. A little anxiety came over me and I was feeling very nervous because I was not prepared for what she might say. I quickly picked myself back up and calmly asked what was on her mind. She said that she had been thinking a lot and even though she had wanted a D and didn't know her future with me in the beginning, she came to the decision that she wants to start working on our M! We talked about it and she understood the way she was communicating to me about her needs was not in a way I could understand. I validated and I told her I sincerely appreciate her willingness to try and was happy that she was strong enough to make that kind of decision knowing how much hurt she had gone through in the past. We agreed that we cannot go back to the old marriage. She said she did not know where or how to start. I said I didn't know either and that we will talk about it more as we gather our thoughts about how we can create a new and better relationship and not slip back into bad habits of the old M. She said we need to take it slow. I agreed and suggested we start dating and she replied that she would like that. She mentioned that she tried to set an appointment with an IC in the same place I was going to and we both agreed this would be a good start.

After our talk we were both hungry and went to pick up some fast food, we held hands in the car. Came home, ate, talked/joked like old times and after we finished eating, I was about to say goodnight and leave but she asked if I wanted to stay and watch a movie with her. I told her I would love to and we cuddled and kissed a little bit during the movie. I felt like I had my loving W back. After the movie over, as we hugged, I told her in a soft whisper that I didn't want to leave, but she whispered back and said its probably better if I go. I told her I understand and we gave each other a kiss and a hug goodnite. As I was driving back to my moms, I felt a bit overwhelmed thinking of the things that I need to do make our M better than before. How does one start a M from a clean slate? I had some ideas but, was overwhelmed by things I felt like I needed to do better in all different aspects of the M. I just didn't know where or how to start.