I am not in your place - my xh was clear cut about NOT having me in his life at all. It seemed very hard to lose all contact with what I had always though of as my life partner, but I do not know how I would have coped with him coming and going between me and OW. Not well, I suspect.
Cut yourself some slack - you have lost your mother, and have all that to deal with on top of this. My mother died a few months before my xh took off (not unrelated events, I suspect) and only now can I see what an emotional train wreck I was.
