Keeping it real

[Zues126]

I'm at the house now. Until I get my own place I see he kids twice weekly at he house. STBX goes out.

First the good- I took my children to a church my friend and his family go to for a Halloween themed carnival. There were 15-20 games such as ring tosses, bowling with plastic pins, cake walks, and many other crafts (pipe cleaner pumpkins), as well as face painting. As they played games they won candy. They also got to meet my friends kids and play together. It was a very good time and we all had a blast.

Now I've got them put to bed. It's that hour gap between their bed time and when STBX gets home. I always feel a bit down having to be here, then having to leave again. I'm able to handle it. I mean, I'm not depressed or suicidal or anything. Just hard. And I know that while I'm doing better, it will probably hurt for a lot longer still.

But the truth is that's just life. When we were married it wasn't easy. The last three years may have been almost as hard as the breakup. Not saying I wanted this, but it helps me to remember reality. Reality is that my problems aren't all because of he break up. I think it's easy for us LBS's to pretend that all the suffering in our life is due to our WAS leaving. That's just not the case. Remember my title is 'keeping it real'. The fact is that I truly believe that life is what we make it, so if we can't find peace on our own, reconciliation wouldn't change anything (or even be possible).

GAL went well. Hung out with a friend on Friday night, saw a movie. Yesterday went to a get together with a coworker and met his wife and friends. Good times. Someday I hope to host get together a with a woman I love there with me. My STBX and I never did that. Nor did we ever go anywhere together. She wasn't into it and was entirely focused on the children. Refused a babysitter. We went out maybe annually if that. Sigh. To do it over...

Anyway, kinda rambling. Just that lonely time of evening. But if you want to bring it back to a 180...I guess I can say I'm handling my sadness better than pre-BD. I'm just sitting with my feelings and not disassociating or medicating somehow. And I'm doing enough GAL stuff that I'm not moping all the time.

So parenting, GAL, handling my emotions head on, living in reality, and being appreciative for what I have. It's a long road but its longer if I don't keep walking, and I'm not going to wait until the end of it to love y life because that would be an insult to what I've been given. Good night all.