He walked out on me exactly one year ago. I can't believe I am someone whose husband walked out on her. I can't believe it's been an entire year since that happened. It still feels so surreal. Will there ever be a time in my life when I think about what's happened and not cry?
One year has passed, and now I have to face a second round of milestones-- my wedding anniversary next week. Thanksgiving, my D's birthday, New Year's, my H's birthday, and on and on. Forever.
Even among the few women I know who are divorced, I can only think of two whose husbands walked out on them like mine. One of them is purely evil-- trying to take away custody, leaving her nearly penniless. Nearly all the divorced women I know left their husbands.
When I think of that, I feel small and sad and humiliated. I feel betrayed not only by him, but by his entire family and nearly all his friends who have stood by him while he walked out on his wife-- a loving, honest, beautiful person.
I'm spinning myself into a fit right now. But I'm still so hurt and angry. I hate him. I HATE HIM.
I had an amazing GAL weekend-- drinks with colleagues on Friday. Great day with D and visit with old friends (who are exceptionally loving, kind, positive people) yesterday, and an awesome cooking class today.
I'm sorry, but I'm not ready to wish him well. What he's done is not right.
I know I need to focus on me and all the progress I've made, and all that's good in my life. But right now at this moment my heart is hurting a lot. And I need to let myself feel that right now. I've been through a lot.
