Fresh separation - trying to play by the book

[Mozza]

GAL - I spent the weekend out of town, with a dear friend. We went mountain biking, having drinks, eating out, driving and walking around. I spent a lot of time speaking about my sitch, but strangely it's what makes me feel good.

I registered for another one of my GAL activities: mentoring. Let's see if they need me. It sounds like a great way to feel useful and meet new people. It's something I've been meaning to do for years and never took the time.

I started reading The Little Prince, to find inspiration about how to treat people.

Working on myself - I'm ashamed to admit that, but I had filmed an argument with my W this summer. I thought she was constantly contradicting herself and wanted to keep a record. Filming didn't help calm things down, of course... Well, now I have the video as a witness of our dynamic. I checked 4-5 minutes of it (20 minutes) this week-end. It's too hard to see, much like the email above. I see all that we were doing wrong and wish we could do it all over again.

In August, my wife told me I had an anger management problem when I slammed a door. I thought she was exaggerating, but as part of my efforts to explore all of her criticisms, I decided to at least read about it. The little I've done has already been enlightening. I thought it was about violent people screaming, but the range extends to silent, sulking people, with all that's in between.

Interactions - The kids are with her for a 3rd week (we alternate every week) and I asked if I could have the kids for dinner on Monday, like the other two weeks (she never did the same). She said no because it's her week and the kids are happy with her. It crushed me. I'm doing it for D3 because I've been told by a helpline that 7 days at a time is long for them. I feel sad that her needs might not be met and that I'll see them even less now.

She still hasn't replied if we meet for lunch on Wednesday or Thursday. I've made plans for Wednesday in the meantime. I won't send a reminder: she's the one who had offered to meet, the ball is in her court.

We met on Friday to exchange the kids' suitcase. It was just a minute. I commented on her new coat (she also had a new dress but it could hardly see it under her coat). She commented on my new scarf and noticed that I smell good (cologne is back - she had bought it for me and I had stopped wearing it in the last 2 years). At the end, both of us didn't know if we should kiss. We did and this time I only air kissed her while she gave me a real kiss on the cheek. Receive 10, give 9 back.

Also, all this talk about losing the love of your life etc - I find it just doesn't help to think that way. The sitch is hard enough without that. Just keep telling yourself, it's early days. I'll get through this etc.

Excellent point. I torture myself thinking how much I love her and all the things we've done together. My brain goes there without my consent, but I always come back battered. I like the idea of focusing on what I'll do instead. And that I'll get through it.