Gogofo - no longer piecing 2nd BD

[gogofo]

My GAL has been to focus on house repairs and de-cluttering to clear my mind about the situation and from all of the scrap that accumulates after a couple of years in a house.

W got back from her work trip and asked for some time to get some homework done. Told her okay, take as much as needed. Kinda felt doormat like when telling her this, but I decided that I do still support her schooling and that is just my personality. She came and picked them up, had a friendly talk and when they left so did I to watch a football game with friends.

Had fun watching the game then she sent a text message asking if we could talk sometime. I said sure when ever and we decided to talk last night.

We talked from about 9:30 to 1:00 in the morning. It was a much calmer conversation than last time. She talked about feeling good and bad about the progress and changes I and we have made. She feels bad because she is upset it came to this situation for me to recognize my actions and now start to act like a partner, not just the one who takes all the time.

She said she is still angry at the past and me about the past. I said I understood that but there was nothing I could do about it to help her. I shared that I write nasty scathing letters to get emotions out. She doesn't want to hate me or be upset with me, but she doesn't know how to move forward.

She said she went and talked to a lawyer about how to dissolve the marriage. She told me the whole process of a basic uncontested divorce using only one lawyer. Went through money, kids, cars, debt, child support, the whole nine yards. I just listened and nodded and remained emotionless when she talked. When she was done I said "I don't know if you are expecting a response, but I don't know what to say" (a nice little phrase I learned from a communication book that shows you are listening and not ignoring but don't really have any kind of response. I definitely didn't want her to think I was agreeing with ending the M.

Then we talked some more about us and some issues etc. She said what she really wants is to be taken care of and feel taken care of. She gives so much and takes care of so many things, she wants to feel care for and about. This was the first time she has laid it all out to me with what she wants and needs.

Then we just kept talking about our R less and less and more just talking and sharing and catching up. I made us popcorn for a snack and did little husband things out of habit that I had been doing lately, i.e. taking care of her. I was about to steer the conversation back to the R at one point but it hit me that that would be the dumbest thing I could have done at that point. We had progressed through the R talk and were feeling comfortable with each other again.

It was a very pleasant and enjoyable and the evening was peppered throughout with jokes and teasing, even during the tough parts.

She knows what it would take to dissolve the marriage, so do I. She never did bring it back up or act like she was going to file. I feel she just needed to know what it would take and evaluate.

I ended up staying the night and asked where she wanted me to sleep, after I said in humor that I obviously knew where I wanted to. We shared a bed last night. When in bed I asked if I could, then she interrupted "ah geez you were doing so good too" assuming I was going to ask for a kiss. We laughed and I said I just wanted to scoot closer. I put my hand against her elbow and we feel asleep.

She had one last comment of "sometimes I think it would be easier if I just divorced you and then we got back together." I laughed and she said she was kind of serious and I told her that I knew she was and that is why I was laughing.