Isn't that her choice not to be loving when she knows what it means to me? Do I really want to be in a relationship with someone that doesn't want to take care of my needs? I now realize that I did not take care of her's.
Her "love bucket" was already empty by then. She did not just simply choose to stop loving you. I'm not saying she's without blame. It was almost certainly a mutual failure to fulfill each other. It's good that you are noticing this and are willing to change. But you can't expect for her to suddenly allow you to try to fulfill her. It will be her decision to come back to that. I am going through the exact same thing, and I know how much it hurts to have this new knowledge and motivation, but no or limited opportunity to use them. Here's what you CAN do:
- Focus on yourself. What were/are her complaints about you? Yes she is in her fog, but there is probably at least some truth to everything she says. So listen intently. List every complaint you can think of. Can you identify her Love Languages and/or primary emotional needs?
- Make changes based on that list, but do it for YOU, not to win her back
- Do not overwhelm her with these changes, and definitely do not mention them to her directly (unless she specifically asks). But use every interaction with her as a chance to practice/demonstrate the changes and fulfill her emotional needs in any way you can. But you should be practicing these changes all day, everyday, with everyone in your life. Since I have limited interaction with WAW, I have noticed that the same failures I had with her show up in my other R's, just on a much more casual level. So I've been practicing them there.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
