Stop bringing up her choice to separate. You are both at fault. The failure of the M was not all you, the S (while her decision) IS partially a consequence of your actions/inactions and therefore is not all on her. Yes, she is in her fog, speaking in absolute negatives, etc. But there is some element of truth to what she says, especially regarding her complaints about you. And here's the thing: She BELIEVES what she is saying right now. Whether she is actually correct or has just convinced herself of things to help her feel better, she believes it. You are he last person on earth she is willing to reason with right now. So just stop reasoning with her about your M or the S.
Look at it a different way...what is your goal when you tell her the S is her decision? If it is alleviate your guilt and place it on her, then keep going because you are meeting your goal. If it has anything to do with trying to help your M, then it should be obvious at this point that its not working. She's not going to suddenly say, "You're right, this is my decision. And it's a bad one. Let's get back together and live happily ever after." So DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT and stop saying things like that. i would avoid all R talks until you have learned some better strategies for how to act during them.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
