Card, wouldn't an easy button be great right now? Ah huh, it really would.
Well, I'm rooting for you, too. Our situations and roller coasters are similar and both new so we both struggle with settling into this journey.
I keep fighting it. Adapting and accepting are weaknesses of mine. I always adjust the situation to suit me and clearly that's not going to work here.
It takes physical and constant effort, Card, to stop thinking about him, what he's doing, thinking, his mindset, the impact on our D... I physically have to say out loud to myself, "STOP"!!!! I then try to direct my thoughts elsewhere.
Thinking about him and my situation just spirals and turns into me on the floor in tears. I see the pattern and I'm trying to break it. What is your pattern? What can you do to break yours?
Strangely I'm day dreaming about moving. Moving to Northern California. I submitted my resume for a position up there and I'm mentally day dreaming about living there. I even looked to see if there's a karate studio nearby so the transition would be smoother for D. The schools are incredible, teacher /student ratio awesome, near my BFF, near a big city that I love, better weather. Granted it's pricey but given what I hear alimony and child support could be, that may not be much of an issue.
It's not good because I've gone from one obsessive thought to another, I recognize that but it's helping me survive right now... And I'm not on the floor crying.
MWD says that sometimes doing nothing is doing something. I am not good at doing nothing... But it's something I'm going to get good at I think.
Saw H this morning really quickly and they are coming over to carve pumpkins later. Seeing so much is starting to get old so my plan is to throw myself into D and pumpkins maybe some baking, too. Anything but H.
