Or will parenting be that much more difficult for the foreseeable future?
I'm struggling with this a lot, too, Maybell.
"daddy lets me..." I could make a whole list.
I have to just let it go, for the most part. There are a couple of things that creep right onto the edge of safety issues for me, but most fall under 'lazy parenting': (too much TV, too many treats or juice, not brushing teeth, not holding her accountable for using polite manners, not following through when he threatens a consequence...) And I just have to let go of trying to control it all.
"How to talk so kids will listen" is a great great resource.
You can't control your H. You just can't. But that doesn't mean your daughter is doomed. You can be good enough for both of you. I know that I sometimes am guilty of projecting a little bit onto my D, especially when she pulls the mommy v. daddy crap. But I have to remember that she WANTS and needs me to have clear boundaries and stay calm and love her unconditionally, even when she acts like a brat.
And (dunno, this may not be good advice), perhaps this is a chance to validate and work on mutual understanding with your H re: parenting? I like that you are working on seeing it from his perspective more. They have them for such limited time, and have such guilt, that it can feel impossible to say No or to let the kids feel deprived or sad. Maybe if you tell him that you know this is hard for him, and you know his choices are coming from a place of love, and not just criticize his parenting, will allow HIM to step up more? He'll never be motivated by complaints about his parenting, right? He'll justify his choices and convince himself that you are just too strict or whatever. (That's what my H would do).
I dunno. I don't know what the F I'm doing, so don't listen to me! My D tells me, "I got to watch Sponge Bob and drank juice and ate pizza and then ice cream for dinner!", and I reply, 'Wow, that sounds fun!" And I don't ever say anything to him about it. So I'm clearly not an expert...
