kml, I am working on that. You are so right. I have also been trying to replace my thoughts of reality. For example, sometimes I think about how he allowed another woman to come into our marriage and have a say in it. That kills me. I can see events that changed, obviously, because of her selfish wants. But, then I try to replace those thoughts with the terrible things he has said or done. That is such a turn-off. I think that I want to stay so far away from that mess. Then, I NEED THE STOP SIGN- to totally remove myself from thoughts of him!

Good idea!

Heather- ordering groceries is a good idea! I did go the other day, at an operable time. It felt good. I just can't allow them to dictate my life anymore. They should be the ones hiding. But they aren't, and I have to accept that. If I come across them, I have to be prepared. (I do need training for quick and rapid responses to different scenarios. Seriously.)

bea, thanks for your response. I had to take a deep breath after reading it. Not sure why, but some things hit ya in the chest.
First, thanks for the support on tad's thread. I felt a little misunderstood. But in the end, it was a very productive discussion, and it did give me some things to think about.
That is so interesting to hear about your friend's experience. There is a definite line. And sometimes I feel like people who go through d (without dealing w mlc) don't totally get it. They think things are the same as just getting a d. It isn't. (And I've made the same Jerry Springer reference, myself!)

I also find it interesting that you friend's x is now contacting her and telling her these things. What a rollercoaster ride this is. Truly. Eight years on and it can still be emotional. I guess that's why detachment is so important, but it's like a chronic illness that you always have to deal with on some level or another.


I agree about the desire to have a conversation like the one you stated. It would be healthy and productive. I don't know that it will ever happen.

And another thing... I don't wish ill will for xh. I really don't. But is it bad that I do for their r? Like really badly...