Thanks Sandi. That is a very good differentiation to make.
What are some signs that would indicate changes? Can any of you veterans share from your own experience?
People can make a change out of an act of their own free will. Going this route is harder, IMHO, b/c your feelings may not support the action. For example, we may attend church today b/c we believe it is the right thing to do. However, our emotions may screaming to do something else. We either will act from our will or our feelings.
It is so much easier when the heart and the action are in tune. When there has been true change in the heart.....the action will follow. Usually there is a smooth flow to the actions b/c it is not forced.
When I decided to stay in my M, it was strictly out of doing the right thing. My heart was not in it. If my heart had changed, I believe my H could have seen it in my eyes, my smile, my actions, etc. He could have heard it in my voice. It would have had a smooth, natural flow. But as it was, I had to act from my "will" instead of my heart.
As far as "signs" go, I believe a good sign is if she has remorse. As long as she has an "attitude"......and is not humble, then there really has been no change. Could she fake it? I suppose, but why would she? And it would not be long before you saw through it, b/c an unrepentant heart is hard to disguise for any length of time.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
