What is going on in their heads?

[Zimmy]

Intime:

I know! It's like they've gone totally insane suddenly. My situation started in June when he turned to me at 11pm at night just as I was about to fall asleep and said, "I'm just not sure I'm excited about getting married anymore..." Out of the blue! Of course, he neglected to mention he'd been having an affair for 5 months... Then he tells me that his decision to leave me had nothing to do with her - he actually believes this ridiculousness! Until he met her, we were very happy and excited about our future. We had just bought our dream home!

Some moments I'm ok and realize that he was really messed up and has serious character flaws and that all this had nothing to do with me. But most moments I'm crying, miserable and wondering what happened to the man I once loved.

I packed up all my things and moved them into storage yesterday. It was the most painful experience so far, because it's so final and I don't think I really believed this was happening till then. I kept running across all the evidence of our great life and memories.

I too pray that the fog lifts and we can find our way back together someday. I know he must miss me sometimes but I don't know why that isn't enough to compel him to come home (other than he is filling his needs with her). I worry that because I had to tell our work colleagues we had broken up because he had an affair (I was falling apart and needed to explain why), that there is too much broken glass. On one hand, I wish that I could have kept a lid on all this better, but on the other hand I needed to protect myself and be honest. If I had to do this again, I would have kept the disclosure tighter. Some books tell you to out the affair as broadly as possible to try to break up the fantasy, but in my case he was so deep in the fog and the rationalization, that I'm not sure it worked like it was supposed to - he just buries the guilt and the shame...

What about you? How are you coping today?