I understand that it is important, but I have not ignored them by choice at all. Now I am sure that they may believe that, but it was not in my control. Not to mention I have no idea what she has told them about my "whereabouts", or the "reason" for my 'ignoring'.
Billman, this is only partially true. If you were truly interested in contacting your kids, you would have already found a way to do it. Instead your sitting on the sidelines saying, "my hands are tied, I don't know what else to do."
Be proactive, figure it out.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
I apologize, if she decided for any reason to violate the order for contact, direct or indirect - I could Technically spend a year in jail. My oldest is 10, and I have NO way to contact her directly. Even 3rd party contact she could call indirect. If I sent mail (the lawyer said) even in my daughters name - indirect contact. If i met them at the bus stop in the morning, wife would be there. They do not even get off the bus anymore, so I cannot see them there (not sure where they are dropped or picked up). Grammie and Grampie do not talk to me, so I cannot visit through them. And there is not even One family member between us for communication - so I have no way of setting it up with out Some contact with her.. I am not making excuses, I am avoiding the possible Vindictiveness of this illogically thinking woman that I cal my wife.
What does your lawyer say? If the order of protection does not include your children, there MUST be a way around it. A court-appointed mediator/facilitator to help set up visitation? Does their school principal or counselor know what is going on? You said that you were a lazy dad. Stop being lazy and figure out a way to show your children they are important to you! Is there a hearing about the order of protection? How long will it last?
You're right-- you can't control what SHE does, or what she tells the children, or what they think. You CAN control what YOU do.
The order has a court date tomorrow (Monday). If all goes well it should be dismissed. I plan to ask to see them right away. The lawyer had told me to avoid all contact with her for the sake of possible jail time. I have tried to ask my sister to contact her for the kids. and a couple of days ago here is the text my sister sent me:
I told her toy were asking about the kids, how are they, do they ask about you, do they miss you. Asked if she could let them know that you love them and miss them very much. She replied "they are fine"
I she resists after tomorrow, I plan to go for visitation.
Also, Honestly, due to this month, I do believe that it was "partially" good, in that after getting out of jail I was not emotionally as healed as of now (still a way to go). And at first I was ok with not seeing the kids for that reason, but it has become more unbearable.
Not sure what else to say. You seem content to throw your hands up and say "what can I do?" instead of fighting to see your children with every fiber of your being. That is sad to me.
If the order of protection is dropped tomorrow AND she still resists letting you see your kids, what plan do you have in place? Have you already spoken to your L about the immediate next step? Are you prepared to implement that next step immediately? Or is the plan to first start figuring all that out.
I really don't mean to bonk you when you are down, but this Mama bear's hairs are standing on edge thinking about how passive you are with regards to your kids.
You can do better, right? Make a list of the next three things you need to do to get yourself back into your kid's lives (because it's about THEM not you).
I don't mean to sound passive, if anything I am asking advice on what I should do. A year in jail is scary and I did not want to take that chance. My L is only for the protective order, and 1 of 2 things will happen at court today: it will be dismissed or extended. If it is dismissed I will let her know that I want to see our children and arrange a time. If it is extended then first thing tomorrow I am going to file for visitation. I want to see them, and I want them to see me. I want to shower them with love and all the love I did not show before.
I want to reassure them that I have always loved them, be open with them and play with them. I want them to be happy and know that this is not their fault and they will be loved regardless of what happens, and that I will never leave them.
Also, before I went to jail and this order was in place, I am Sure I would have made the mistake of using them as a tool. I mean that by asking about mommy's day and what she does and pry information out of them.
I feel that this distance from the W and the children, might have been one of the best things that could have happened. But now enough is enough, I am stronger and I have a clear head. My heart needs work, but my knowledge and understanding of what it is I need to do has come a very long way. I will fight for them, tooth and nail if I have to. I do not believe she will try to keep them from me, but I will fight if I have to.
