Ok, after re-reading your story I have a little advice. You both opened the door on the marriage so you both need to take a step back and see what you want in a marriage going forward (can't change the past). Since you can only work on you, and CANNOT work on her, you need to realize you share blame in this, and I think you know that already. I'm sure you'll need an apology for not understanding her point of view regarding an opposite sex partner. Again, Captain Hindsight says that should have been seen as a possible reaction to your A. Know that if you're lucky she will talk about it and you'll have to eat crow when she explains all the things you did wrong.
Summary, you're both to blame. You can only work on you, so focus on you. Eat crow, then apologize and thank her sincerely for telling you what you did wrong. Continue to work on you.
If things continue to deteriorate beyond that, seek help from someone smarted than me. Good luck, God bless.
Me: 37, W: 36 S6, S3 M: 8 T:11 Discovered 1st A: 9/3/14 Began DB: 9/20/14 W "ended" 1st A repeatedly Discovered at least 3 more A's, filed 10/29/14
